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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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And then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by, and he’s got ice cream all over his face. I mean, it’s dripping everywhere! I can’t help but laugh. Kids are the best. But then, I see his mom, and she’s not laughing. She’s chasing him down Strada Vasile Alecsandri, looking like she’s about to lose her mind. I’m thinking, “Welcome to parenthood, lady!”

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